i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
