He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
