How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
