MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
