bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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