I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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