She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
