for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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