omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
