He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
