my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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