News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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