Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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