There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
