I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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