the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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