New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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