I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
