While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
