Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
