I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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