There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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