I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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