if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
