Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
