fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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