Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
