I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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