sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
