$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
