Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize