I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
