he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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