he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
