We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
