I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
