i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
