I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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