Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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