i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
