so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
