I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
