Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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