just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
