I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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