but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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