i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
