you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize