can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
