she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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