I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
